Famous Quotes


When I look at my children, I say to myself ..."Lillian, you should  have remained a virgin."
       -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not  pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but  fine against a wall."
       -- Eleanor Roosevelt

 Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
 I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
       -- Mark Twain

 The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
       -- George Burns

 Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
       -- Victor Borge

 Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
       -- Mark Twain

 By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
       -- Socrates

 I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
       -- Groucho Marx

 My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
      -- Jimmy Durante

 I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
       -- Zsa Zsa Gabor

 Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
       -- Alex Levine

 My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
       -- Rodney Dangerfield

 Money can't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
       -- Spike Milligan

I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
       -- Mark Twain

 Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
       -- Joe Namath

 I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
    -- Bob Hope

 I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in  it.
       -- W.C. Fields

 We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
       -- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation . as you grow older, it will avoid you.
       -- Winston Churchill

 Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
      -- Phyllis Diller

 By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
       -- Billy Crystal

 The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.